Saturday 3 April 2010

How to kill a relationship in 30 seconds


If you wanna go far go with people enthused one wise Luo elder. This is on the backdrop of an Englishman who once we are told said that no man is an island. We were meant to live together and associate with each other regardless of gender, tribe, race, social class n all that divisive shit. This is the basis of relationships in all facets of life. That is why today everyone is an Obama’s brother or cousin. I wonder why nobody wants to be Kibaki’s relative. Fail! This note wishes to discuss a killer of most relationships, be it social, political, employment, marital and even criminal. The main relationship ruining agent according to I n I is when one of the party starts believing that it is helping the other party. This happens when one of the parties sees and maybe has an upper hand but emphasizes this bit too much. Genesis of a party feeling sukari in a relationship maybe due to money, beauty, numbers and information. To illustrate this contention I use various relationships.

The Kenyan political scenes are littered with various betrayal scenarios clearly illustrating this point. In the pre independence times one and only Simba, Jaduong of Jaduongs, was offered the seat of the presidency only to refuse it on the basis that Kenyatta must be released from hell in Kapenguria. Kenyatta was released and within six years he had turned Jaramogi into a kumamake, Kinyarangarika aliyefaa kusiagwa kanma unga pamoja na watu wake. Kenyatta felt that Jaramogi was asking too much …mathafaka the bugger cud have become a president and let your ass rot in that hell. Fail! Fast forward to 2002. Kibaki breaks his neck and dick in an accident during campaigns and raila tires his tail off declaring Kibaki Tosha, the bugger was sworn in and then thought Raila was a nobody in his political life…..Kaput! Again fast forward to 2007 Dec. the only man in PNU then, Martha Karua used all her breasts and balls breath to defend the thief that is Kibaki. Everyone knows what happened here. To summarize Kibaki and relationship was Kalembe Ndile with the punchline that “Kimbake ni kama ngari ile imekwama..ukiisukuma ikishatoka kwa matope ..vruum inakuacha kwa mataa” How true some politicians think they have the upper hand and are helping others which is true in most cases but others just take it too far.

In employment relationships both the parties (employer or employee) can be the culprit. An employer sometimes feels he or she is helping you too much and starts behaving like Lucifer. Treats u like shit. No pay, you have to worship him and at worst case have to suck his or her balls or breasts. I try to imagine the mathafakas who afford to fuel their guzzlers but can’t pay their house-helps claiming they are helping them…mathafaka may the devil sodomize you tonight Employees on the other hand sometimes they are doing so much for their employers (which is most cases is true) thus start short charging and sabotage. Maafaka don’t try this if you have no clue of the worst case scenario. This can explain the G4s shit in a way….hope the CIA aint reading this.

In criminal scenes one sucker may decide that he performed the donkey job and thus deserves a larger share of the loot or all of it. When it goes thru it ok …but when the deal is sour as the Kenyan freaking media minions put it then it is bang! Bang! U a fucked buoy. You fucked with the wrong crew or police crooks

In social scene the scenario is no different. Every one here is a culprit. Don’t start denying this fact bugger. U have friends who only call you only when have problems. U also act in the same manner. U sometime get calls from someone who u think is a sumbua and just press the end call button. You also call some frenemies and the calls always end as Number Busy…..sucker that is what displays when one presses end call button on you. Payback time! The Safaricon contribution in this shit is another day’s story Jah willing. Kindly don’t try this trick on your parents’ coz the devil will violently rape you one day for sure. Heri uokoe jahazi ka huna airtime.

In the marital and boy-girl relationship- (sorry to the gays you can sort out your matters with the devil) scene, the scenario plays out more conspicuously sometimes with violent and catastrophic outcomes. One partner begins to feel that (s) he is helping the other too much. I am giving you my money, you are a parasite, I am giving u my precious dick/pussy pale pale, I gave birth to your son, I wash your ngothas full of skid marks…nigger skid marks on you underwear ..use tissue! Here we are all consciously or subconsciously guilty of this shit.

Though we are well versed with the politicians’ way of breaking their friends and the voters’ heart we tend to believe that this is only their preserve whereas the truth is that we are all just like the politicians. All this scenarios lead to straining of a relationship and the results are clearly evident all over the universe. Why silly Kikuyu will be made to loathe the Luos; why there are so many pubs and people who fear going home or places they call home; why there so many social networks promising you soul mates; why you spend so much time on Facebook and those funny dating sites trying to get a cheap lay n so on and so forth! Get a life and when you are at it don’t kill the relationship by thinking you are god.

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