Time to Face Mt Kenya

Since the coming of the colonialist and the sisters the missionaries, everything the AFricans were doing prior to this was deemed barbaric and primitive, ushenzi. However, current developments are proving this sentiments wrong, but we Africans having been caught and brainwashed can't understand these developments.
First, the African traditional foods were replaced by an assortment of unhealthy blather. Recently, in towns like Nairobi, affording an African dish is not easy with these plates being priced and not so common anymore. A small bite of the sweet potato, cassava or the arrowroot which has been despised as food for the poor and villagers is around a dollar. a serving of managu and other bitter traditional herbs, if you don't get them already off the menu will cost you every limb.
In the herbal medicine field, despite the field being crowded by quack just like Western medicine, the field is registering phenomenon success with a recent programme on K24 indicating that most medicinal plants and trees are on the verge of extinction and are regarded as endangered species.
Over the hyped Christmas festivities hundreds of believers decided to hold prayer walk around Mt Kenya on 27th and Alas upon their intercessions rain has started pounding the nation. While the Christians pray from the abode of their palaces for rain with no results ..This group just needed some few hours. It is a shame that the group had to be licenced by the Ministry for Internal Affairs to hold such a beneficial prayer walk in a country boasting of freedom of expression. The reasons which have been cited in banning the group holding its prayers has been the "Mungiki threat".
May be it is just time we seriously faced Mt. Kenya and knew where we came from and where we are going.

Reggae vs Rock Music

I wont pretend to a musical analyst. I will also not to pretend that I like Rock. But the few rock tunes i have listened to and the overwhelming number of reggae music I have digested, I feel I am in a position to declare that the music shares a common thread. Did I see the rock heads bang their heads on the wall in a bid to tetea their music? Di I hear them say reggae music is for the hopeless down trodden who have smoked all the marijuana around? huh? On the other are the reggae fans jamming to the vibe that rock is for Babylon and Mababis?
Ok here is my two cent: Reggae music is the voice of an angry blackman while rock is the voice(noise) of an very angry white man..Now go out and listen

A government full of Lords of Impunity

The Kenyan government is just a sham of the century.
Today's revelation by the US ambassador that 4 ministers have been slapped with travel bans has got me shaking my little head...How the hell!
After we became immune to corruption they went a step ahead and sanctioned mass killings and raping in 2007-2008..
And now errr ladies and gentle(rough)men introducing the drug lords
Seriously if these are our leaders..were we forced to elect ..what can be done to ensure that we do not elect such people without beating the tenets of democracy??
will we one day know the meaning of the word integrity in public affairs?
P.S In honour of those who fought for the independence of this country I hate the meddling by the same colonial powers BUT if they are the ones who will help us put a stop to these madness let it be

Though Shall Steal

The situation in Kenya is a dire one..The society has no values and if it has they are just negative values..Today two senior government officers have 'stepped aside'after it has been alleged and proved that they have defrauded the Kenyans kindu 2 billions..business as usual..??
Stepping aside is phrase that has gained currency in the Kenyan political scene with persons found dipping their hand sin the cookie jar are requested by the cronies to step aside so that the fire can cool off and before Kenyans can say thief they get their positions back and business as usual..

Looking away from the political scene who cleans these guys? My answer is it is not Kibaki it might be your brother or sister..how you ask? This is my take... When these guys are named in corrupt deals they rush to hire the best lawyers and such professionals who can help them. They also buy the state lawyers and prosecutors. But the people who hit us hard in my opinion are the auditors and others who undertake forensic investigations. In my take I think when a jokingly paid accountant who is investigating such a case as Anglo Leasing is offered 5 millions to clean up the files ..he will do that willingly wont he? Where does that leave our courts, where does it leave Lumumba? So the question is are we ready to refuse 5 million gifts and are we ready to tell our brothers and sisters not to take 5m tokens...Quite a tall order....ama?

Personal Branding

In the world we are living today being a young professional is no easy ting...there are so many con men with their con plans roaming the streets and offices. So one way to distinguish yourself is through building and maintaining a personal brand.
Am not yet to become a guru or an authority in any field but I have some few practical steps one can take to have a personal brand which can be relied upon by the society-employers, employees, institutions, and even government agencies in this Nairoberry professional scene.
1. Keep time! As a general rule we have little respect for time. You give someone an appointment and they come half hour or an hour late. You give an appointment and you fail to make. Bugger, it was not at gun point! Until you have a reputation for respect for time you will not project yourself as a powerful brand. Most of the work I undertake have very serious deadlines and the deadlines are usually that DEAD...so have a dignity for those dead lines and you will be respected. There is nothing as nerve wracking as having sub contracted some project to your fellow professional and when it is 1 hr to the deadline she doesn't pick the phone.
2. Being passionate: There has been arguments about whether passion matters but to me yes it does. We have large bunches of people doing things they don't like and that is why everywhere we have turned our clients and customers into perennial whiners who have to beg, plead and even bribe for us to deliver services.Like Martin Luther said once- if you are a sweeper sweep to the glory of God. One thing i feel about doing things we are passionate about is that it helps one to add value to other peoples' lives while adding to his.
3. Deliver Extra Ordinary Service: surprise your clients. They are used to low quality garbage that one I can tell you. This is the key for small businesses success. If you get a customer treat him to an experience he will never forget. You will have him and many more other through references. The word of mouth is the best form advertisement for small business i tell you.
4. A powerful brand demands very high moral authority. Don't be the person who vanishes whenever the clients makes full payments yet you have not completed a project. Let no one ever stand that you stole from her, you abused him/her, let your family be your alibi of the good person you are and it will catch on to the business. This will go a long way in building the networks. Don't short change people..NOBODY!Personal branding demands higher credibility. Credibility comes from trust.Moral authority is interrelated to credibility. Credibility and trust are central to protecting your brand equity! Nothing will kill your self confidence and self worth as taking a bribe and no matter how rich you become through this avenue, you will remain a weak brand in the market.
5. Adopt technology....this I can go on and on. But one area where technology helps according to me is giving one a global perspective. Like Iraki would say it helps one to think global and act local.
6. Finally learn and upgrade your skills to improve the brand you. be on the look out for new things which will give you the so called competitive edge and grab it before others. And this involves lot's of reading. You have to be an authority in what you are doing or talking about.
Haya let's see the personal brands coming up.

Why A Revolution will never BE in Kenya

For the young or at least the young with a proper share of ambition and energy— the point of understanding the world better has normally been, as Marx’s famous injunction suggests, to change it. And one of the principal obstacles that usually prevent them from doing so has been their elders, squatting there behind their ramparts, complacent and cynical. This is the real enemy, the “Old Guard,” masters of the institutions that they manipulate to serve their own interests, guardians of the military-industrial complex, rejecting reform because they’ve seen it all before and know it won’t work—in short, the kind of people that the young will themselves in due course become.

Looking into Kenya the youthful reformers, heroes and human right activists of the yester years are the today impediments of justice having become wazees in the system. A case of what in Oswald Mosley’s cruel phrase, a “Salvation Army that took to its heels on the Day of Judgment.”

My Economic Indicators: The Transport Sector

This will be a series of blogs trying to outline what I feel are economic indicators which can be used to reflect the situation on the ground in various sectors in the country.
First I must admit i am not a great traveler except on my way to and fro work. This is to blame for the killer instinct on observing the emerging trends and patterns whenever I have a chance to travel away from my travel comfort zone. I have thus (sadly) not been to the Eastern and North Eastern sides of the country which in turn means I have never been to the Coast. the areas i am well versed with are Nairobi, Central, Rift Valley , Nyanza and Western in that order of foot-printing.
The parameters which I feel reflect the situation on the ground in the transport sector include number of vehicles, traffic jams, condition and types of the vehicles, condition of the PSV drivers and conductors.
|On the number of vehicles and traffic Jams it comes that areas which are connected by Thika Road and Ngong road are the richest areas in Kenya. These areas include Mt Kenya region and the Maasailand as well emerging satellite towns such as Rongai, Kitengela and Ruiru. On the other hand it is a pity that in a single night only about 5 buses leave for Eldoret town from Nairobi! this shows that the Rift valley sleeping giant is not yet to embrace free flow of wealth.
On the parameter of condition and types of vehicles plying certain routes it comes that in Nairobi Westlands takes it while in the PSV sector Eastleigh, Lang'ata and Buruburu have well maintained and most pimped vehicles. these areas can thus be said to be well endowed. A look at Kibera matatus confirms the relative income hypothesis.
And that is just a cursory look.
Time for research

The Parable of the Pencil

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someone’s hand.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.
Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you will make.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.
And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.
The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.
Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
Three: You will be able to correct mistakes you might make or grow through them.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.
And Five: On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything.
By understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart and a relationship with God daily.

Proposed Katiba Draft: Part I

I have had chats with various people both supporting and opposing the proposed draft. As a supporter of the proposed draft i find it in order to expose the inconsistencies in the NO camp.
The NO camp while making their interpretations are very thorough in explaining how the good things will work to the detriment of Kenya. They will take a clause arguing that every Kenyan is entitled to Health for example. They will go further to show how it can't be implemented successfully they will even argue whether Kenyans are entitled to health whereby hospitals have no drugs and such talk.
A key component of the discussions put forward by the NO camp is fear. there will be more taxes, it is not possible, and such features.
Their debates are punctuated by how the proposed draft will do nothing to change the lives of ordinary Kenyans. They argue that the proposed constitution is a devil they know which they are ready to trust....and are urging Kenyans no to embrace a angel they know not about.
But all these as it is said are kicks of a dying horse.

Positive Vibration Crusade?

They came in all colours and shapes. The beautiful, the handsome and the skrewfaces were three. The Red, Green and Gold punctuated the affair. The rich the poor, from the nearby ghettos to farover ghettos. All this was happening at the T.I Sawasawa Festival 2010 edition graced by the Don Carlos mwenyewe. The old man did his ting as the yutmen danced along….The curtain raisers were also awesome but as this is Kenya we have an attitude of contempt for what is Kenya. Bafu Chafu did a sterling performance.
The message was peace but not all were ready to get some more teachings. I always wonder why there is such a disconnect between the reggae show organizers and the situation on the ground. Reggae is a militant music, it is music for agitation…It is the music allowing the black people to let off steam….. where they can vent off their anger due to Babylon induced Sufferation… However the situation gets complex when the same Babylon is organizing the reggae shows…They expect reggae fans to ‘behave’ Babylon…..And that’s where they go wrong…reggae music is about the oppressed trying to be heard.. And to a small portion of yutmen there is no better way to b heard than to pickpocket, ngeta and such.. But that is just a small portion and as our media is soo hungry on the negative aspects of the society, usually this gets blown outta proportion. But wat do you expect outta Babylonian minds. They neva see anything good of the yutman. Dem vampires!
The message in the concert like it is in reggae music nowadays is peace..Nah fight yo brother. But like Peter Tosh said “there will be no justice till man gets equal rights and justice”. The music of today instead of telling us to fight for our rights it is telling us to embrace our brothers. If a brethren/sistren steals from u embrace him, if he apes ua dawta mbrace hiom. We gotta fight negative vibes within the society. Gash dem a light dem …
So the message of peace in reggae musik and reggae concert I find it obsolete and influenced by Babylon. We need reggae artists to compose songs telling us to stone politricksters who have stolen from the public instead of clapping for them. When that happens, that will be a positive vibrations concert.
Justice… Am out!

Things to do with super-fast internet

I have on a very few days encountered cybers with very high speeds in this Nairobi...Among them is Nakumatt Lifestyle, Another one at Lornrho Hse, Sometimnes the one at Campus Towers also hit mad speds of 500Kbps. That is my definition of super fast internet...Internet with speeds of 400Kbps..And not others which indicate 1Mps yet are doing their slow ass timing at 10Kps..Now when I have such mad speeds am usually at loss with what i can do with such speeds. But here is a few tings I do:
1. Pirating
this is also known in geeky terms as torrenting. When i have mad speeds i usually torrent dem ting i have been aspiring to have like the 'Wrestlemania 26'Damn the show was hot..I also torrent those latest movies hitting the big..though most latest are usually camera copies you will sometimes land on a HD sh@ once in a while..
2.Research
I can also down those stubborn jstor files...Aint those files damn stubborn...but not with super fast internet...With super fast internet i don't to keep clicking both literally and errr the other other one..
3. Youtube
With super fast internet you don't wanna miss some action at the you tube site...Watch some crazy videos and also download some latest music videos...be sure to post them on your profile on facebook to ensure that guys realize you have access to superfast internet..though i suspect most internet connection rarely load youtube videos...most damn shit u have to wait for hours as it buffers and maybe some idiot(with a Nigerian accent)pops up behind ua back to tell you..kindly cut that youtube sh@ out..WTH..But hii ni Kenya you think you got privacy..not at the cybers
I can also update my twitter account with such " Waoh having mad speeds here at 356Kps...." Most likely i will get responses like .. Are u still in Kenya?

The Land nunsense in Kenya

They were poor with land and they are poor without land~Rev. Timothy Njoya on plight of IDPs

As the debate rages on the draft constitution which i have not read. One of the most contentious issue has been quoted to be land. Land in Kenya is a hot issue ...why i can't understand.
Rift valley is the hotbed for all this nunsense. Bloody land wars have been fought here. Why land? The fighers claim some elements in the community went and bought their fathers some busaa and conned them out of their land so the need to give dem a beating. they even quote the Mau Mau spirit'we are fighting for our soil'. Those been chased away usually retort that they bought these large swathes of land while the lazy indigenous people were scratching their balls. Their claim to the land is so deep they are always ready to have their blood shed for the sake of peace.
The land issues do not end there: There is the parable of the Kenya Lands Alliance an association of whites who owns what was left of the White Highlands. This group has its roots to one Lord Delamere ...this bugger saw an empty space of 1 million acres and as the gods commanded him to make it his as no one had claim to it. Just asked for a loan from the Bank of England to buy the fence and fenced the shat....Imagine that..But relax. But before you relax remember that the grandson of Delamere takes the god's command seriously and that is why he does and will shoot trespassers to the damn fenced sh@.
Scenario B we have the likes of Kenyatta, Kibaki Moi et al., these buggers also saw empty land spaces and saw it soothing to the gods to fence it as their godfather Delamere has set precedence. The 'history books' show that these buggers had real money before it started circulating and that is why they were able to buy the large swathes of lands as my grandfather was scratching his balls and sharpening his spear to go to the forest...While my grandfather was busy killing the louse he had collected in his forestic endeavours in fighting for the soil, these buggers were busy 'buying' land..Imagine that ....Again! this group did not even need to fence 'their land' like Delamere. They had/have real African Homeguard balls such all that they needed was urinate around their land and it became untouchable. No 'squatter' would dare set foot on the land..

That brings us to the 'squatters' like my grandfather..where were they when those who had real African balls were buying and grabbing and urinating marking their territories......That's unfair question maybe.....
So here we are Delamere having 300,000 acres while most can't afford a 1/8 of an acre even in Kiandutu. Here we are Kikuyus have large swathe of land in Maasai land, in Kalenjin land...yes they have some bough some urinated over it..some well just pointed....
The question is who has the right to Kenyan land..It is aid most of us did not inhabit this place some 200 yrs ago ... Do we have the right to land?
That brings us to Scenario C : In Eastleigh ..people in their right and left minds have started arguing that the Somalis are taking over Nairobi...where have we been..While those Kenyan with are thinking of either drinking their hard earned wealth or stashing their cash in Swiss accounts the Somalis are busy transforming the Dingy state of Eastleigh into a commercial hub and we start complaining.. DO we own Nairobi ..who are we? Aint this a Maasai people place where their animals used to quench thirst ... And we claim the Somalis are taking our town...

So what can be done...Borrowing from Njoyas quote i feel that one will be poor with or without land.. I got many questions than answers ....
Questions first:
Why didn't the Kalenjins claim that Delamere, Moi, Kenyatta forced them out of their land yet the owns more land than all Kikuyus IDPs combined.
Can we get enough land for every one?
Can we succeed without land?
And this i have an answer to: Yes we can develop and succeed without land we need to start thinking of things such as the cyberspace, ideas, and not land. This is the key. The land has its wenyewe ..be it Indians and Somalis in Nairobi, the whites in the Highlands, the Kenyattas, Kibakis, Mois .....Hakuna kitu utado..
The land issue in the draft constitution is said to be hot coz there is the word minimum. Minimum what? 95% of Kenyans cannot afford a quarter acre in Nairobi!!


There will be no peace coz man will never get equal rights and justice

A Standing Kimathi

I have always wondered whether there was no photo of a standing kimathi must we saw our children a chained Kimathi . A Kimathi who had fallen in to the enemies hands..a subdued Kimathi..shit a Kimathi who was so helpless...i always wondered whether there was no artist who could piece up a photo of standing Kimathi..but then the whites were using and still are using the image for propaganda purposes..

weeh ati Kenyatta was a nationalist..yenyewe shit happens ......kinyatta is said to have chased away the whites with his flywhisk..hohohooo..wapi and many Kenyans and buggers all over the world especially rastamen buy this cheap propaganda(at least everybody can afford it)...I call it urban legend...who will dispel it am asure it aint History books or our leaders..though a undisclosed source tells me that one bold Gitobu Imanyara has said it aloud..Kenyatta was a wolf in the sheepskin ..a thief a murderer ..he killed and robbed those who fought for our freedom...may he burn in hell and may the generators at KICC fail so as to make his ass rot!@$&**()(U)(U/!

Ugali is Banned

(This one i wrote way back in January 27, 2009 at the height of Maize scandal )
Reports reaching Muchene FM indicate that the parliament has passed a bill banning ugali and associated paraphernalia. At the time of going to press the bill was to be signed by the President H.E,MBQ,Thug No. 1,HIV,PPT (and other funny abbreviations we at Mushene FM can't print coz we don't understand their meaning) UNHON.CIC Kaguaru this morning.

The debate was passed in a record time not even enough for ugali water to have boiled, by the full house which had 27 MPs at the time of vote taking by the not so philanthropic Speaker of the house Mr. Marenge. The house however deleted a clause banning 'maize' in the country to allow enterprising members of the hyena society to export the same to some unnamed country.

The MPs when banning Ugali cited various reasons including that the word Ugali has caused a high level of insecurity for them and their families. They cited the recent public meetings where some unpaid senior members of the the Coalition of Thugs were confronted by violent robbers armed with hungry faces and waving placards with dangerous messages like NO WE CANT.

In seconding a youthful member of the house Mkosa Adabu popularly known for a shouting disorder said that by banning ugali they were relieving their constituents off pressure of eating unhealthy food all through the year. He said the move would encourage the citizens to consume,me more healthy foods like ant, rats, cockroaches e.t.c which are in plentiful as the famine continues to bite.

By the time of going to press, we at Mushene FM had moved most of our broadcasting equipments to an undisclosed location as we were expecting the Left HO. Cattle Rustler No.2 (after the late Polisi Lotodo) Mr. Pogit to come confiscate the remaining equipments.

Enjoy your scarce bits of Ugali before the sick arm of the law catches up with you.

Hyena of the Year Awards (H.O.Y.A) 2008 edition

Fellow invites distinguished hyenas,

The year 2008 was an excellent year in hyena society. It started on a very high note..though we the hyenas are said not to be known to eat our own children we proved the humans wrong by the roasting of our own children in Naivasha and Eldoret. We were celebrating the stealing of some fucked up papers being stolen. The Hyena Rights activists who have throughout their careers are bent(whateva that means) to derail the development of the hyena society only for them to appear in such and similar awards. The year progressed very with the elite Hyenas forming a Hyenalistic Coalition to eat the product of the fire which was lit in December 2007.
I take this chance to apologize to you as the event had to be held promptly in this unnamed location to avoid the inconvenience of overenthusiastic hyenas who stole the Dais and some awards last year.
I must also thank the judges who after much bribing and enjoying various spoils which i hear include sexual favours from the female contenders and the wives of the contenders came up with this list of award winners.

With the usual hyenish greed i hereby present you the hyenas that showed exemplary service in the hyena society.

The Thief of the Year
The award attracted many contenders right from the beginning of the year.Notable among them are unnamed stockbrokers and Mugabe. But the award goes to other than the leader of the Hyena society, The Hyena of all Hyenas who due to his nocturnal tendencies couldn't make it to this daylight event. The 2009 thief of the year award has already generated enough heat to move the turbines of Sondu Miriu with wonder of wonders..Though hyenas are not known to consume inferior products like maize prominent hyenas are said to have stolen several million bags yet there are starving idiots who were hacking each other to death at the beginning of the year due to their full stomachs.

Rotten Apple of the Year
the award to the hyena Police Force. The runners up in this category were the Mungiki and the Makangas. The civil servants were also in serious contention of the award. Though hyenas are known to feast on rotten carcasses the winners in this category displayed vigor in their ability to turn everything into an edible carcass.

Prostitute of the Year
The award will not be awarded this year as the judges asked for more time to vet the contenders.

In the culture of impunity i declare that the other awards wont be given out. I with the other greedy hyenas in the facilitating capacity will share amongst ourselves.

I call upon you fellow to contribute towards the kitty upon which my salary will be drawn fron.
GTGIUGoVUFUH

How to kill a relationship in 30 seconds

If you wanna go far go with people enthused one wise Luo elder. This is on the backdrop of an Englishman who once we are told said that no man is an island. We were meant to live together and associate with each other regardless of gender, tribe, race, social class n all that divisive shit. This is the basis of relationships in all facets of life. That is why today everyone is an Obama’s brother or cousin. I wonder why nobody wants to be Kibaki’s relative. Fail! This note wishes to discuss a killer of most relationships, be it social, political, employment, marital and even criminal. The main relationship ruining agent according to I n I is when one of the party starts believing that it is helping the other party. This happens when one of the parties sees and maybe has an upper hand but emphasizes this bit too much. Genesis of a party feeling sukari in a relationship maybe due to money, beauty, numbers and information. To illustrate this contention I use various relationships.

The Kenyan political scenes are littered with various betrayal scenarios clearly illustrating this point. In the pre independence times one and only Simba, Jaduong of Jaduongs, was offered the seat of the presidency only to refuse it on the basis that Kenyatta must be released from hell in Kapenguria. Kenyatta was released and within six years he had turned Jaramogi into a kumamake, Kinyarangarika aliyefaa kusiagwa kanma unga pamoja na watu wake. Kenyatta felt that Jaramogi was asking too much …mathafaka the bugger cud have become a president and let your ass rot in that hell. Fail! Fast forward to 2002. Kibaki breaks his neck and dick in an accident during campaigns and raila tires his tail off declaring Kibaki Tosha, the bugger was sworn in and then thought Raila was a nobody in his political life…..Kaput! Again fast forward to 2007 Dec. the only man in PNU then, Martha Karua used all her breasts and balls breath to defend the thief that is Kibaki. Everyone knows what happened here. To summarize Kibaki and relationship was Kalembe Ndile with the punchline that “Kimbake ni kama ngari ile imekwama..ukiisukuma ikishatoka kwa matope ..vruum inakuacha kwa mataa” How true some politicians think they have the upper hand and are helping others which is true in most cases but others just take it too far.

In employment relationships both the parties (employer or employee) can be the culprit. An employer sometimes feels he or she is helping you too much and starts behaving like Lucifer. Treats u like shit. No pay, you have to worship him and at worst case have to suck his or her balls or breasts. I try to imagine the mathafakas who afford to fuel their guzzlers but can’t pay their house-helps claiming they are helping them…mathafaka may the devil sodomize you tonight Employees on the other hand sometimes they are doing so much for their employers (which is most cases is true) thus start short charging and sabotage. Maafaka don’t try this if you have no clue of the worst case scenario. This can explain the G4s shit in a way….hope the CIA aint reading this.

In criminal scenes one sucker may decide that he performed the donkey job and thus deserves a larger share of the loot or all of it. When it goes thru it ok …but when the deal is sour as the Kenyan freaking media minions put it then it is bang! Bang! U a fucked buoy. You fucked with the wrong crew or police crooks

In social scene the scenario is no different. Every one here is a culprit. Don’t start denying this fact bugger. U have friends who only call you only when have problems. U also act in the same manner. U sometime get calls from someone who u think is a sumbua and just press the end call button. You also call some frenemies and the calls always end as Number Busy…..sucker that is what displays when one presses end call button on you. Payback time! The Safaricon contribution in this shit is another day’s story Jah willing. Kindly don’t try this trick on your parents’ coz the devil will violently rape you one day for sure. Heri uokoe jahazi ka huna airtime.

In the marital and boy-girl relationship- (sorry to the gays you can sort out your matters with the devil) scene, the scenario plays out more conspicuously sometimes with violent and catastrophic outcomes. One partner begins to feel that (s) he is helping the other too much. I am giving you my money, you are a parasite, I am giving u my precious dick/pussy pale pale, I gave birth to your son, I wash your ngothas full of skid marks…nigger skid marks on you underwear ..use tissue! Here we are all consciously or subconsciously guilty of this shit.

Though we are well versed with the politicians’ way of breaking their friends and the voters’ heart we tend to believe that this is only their preserve whereas the truth is that we are all just like the politicians. All this scenarios lead to straining of a relationship and the results are clearly evident all over the universe. Why silly Kikuyu will be made to loathe the Luos; why there are so many pubs and people who fear going home or places they call home; why there so many social networks promising you soul mates; why you spend so much time on Facebook and those funny dating sites trying to get a cheap lay n so on and so forth! Get a life and when you are at it don’t kill the relationship by thinking you are god.

In the Streets of Nairobi

Yesterdays Daily Nation (11/03/2010) headline stroke a different chord bringing out several issues especially on the roads with the ongoing roads constructions. Thus today i take an off and had a rigmarole for several hours in the streets of Nairobi. Nairobi is one great city i must admit.
The attraction of all time is the scenery and our women. The beautification of the city though most was done on the upper part of Nairobi is assuaging the hassles of the city. Why the bureaucrat have to concentrate all their efforts in the Nairobi past Tom Mboya ....i don't know. Maybe, just maybe they do not collect taxes from the 'other' Nairobi. Sitting on a bench under one of these indigenous trees is heavenly. You will relax as Nairobi life swim past you. SO I took a bench along the Moi Avenue..this the middle class avenue. Women in all shapes and heels; some graciously, some labouring walk past by. It is funny that many on the benches are men....our women never rest they are always busy. I guess not many Nairobians will also sit in these benches ..considering it a waste of time..most probably waste of drinking time. SO the women were there to catch my eyes. they wear all the good and bad fashions: wigs, weaves(if thea is a difference or a similarity ask the fashionistas), braids, chemicals, flat irons, cheap or expensive they seem to fit when they fit and to be out of head when they deemed so. one of the sad observation one makes in the streets of Nairobi is that there are very few couples who grace the streets. Maybe we are ready to embrace all sorts of the so called Western ideas, we are not ready to adopt the public display of affection. The only couples walking in the streets of Nairobi are college guys. Athas are mainly mipango ya kando ama ya ofisi.
In my rigmarole i haven't seen anybody complaining of being mugged or being mugged..no one was knocked down by any mobile object..though a bus had scratched a driving school car..I observed how the valuation was done chap chap and the bus guy paying Ksh. 500. whether the bus driver was in the wrong or whether he was just not ready to waste precious time arguing with the driving school trainer was ahead of me. Maybe the negative events which grace our headlines are just isolated cases ..maybe just maybe the newspapers will shift their news coverage ...pumping the positive news to us.
ANyway in Nairobi everything and anybody trends...What a city..Mi love it.

The Land Lords of Nairoberry

Trying moving in Nairobi is one expensive, exhausting affair. It drains you. The matters is made worse by uncooperative landlords. The landlord from where you are getting out from will always come up with a 1001 reasons why you can't move out. Either you did not give the required notice, you have damages to pay...Lotta bulshit. (They will keep quoting and stressing the need for sticking to the contract yet will disregard it when raising the rent and other charges). But in the end it boils down to getting more dollars from you or denying you in the form of numerous deposits. The rich people of Kenya I don't know what is wrong with them...They will reach out for the few coins you have though they are stinking rich..This has really eluded me ..can't you let the poor have some break...Kwani what does money make of people....If the landlords of Nairobi are anything to go by ..

KNEC Sites-Offline

Been trying to log in to the KNEC sites www.knec.ac.ke and www.exanmscouncil.or.ke 24 hrs since the elections were posted to no avail. Am sure most of the candidates, parents and guardians are experiencing the same. So what is the need for these sites if 24 hrs after the announcements nobody can access their results. 24 hrs later am sure the exams are available at the schools. So having these sites beats the logic.
Do the technocrats really know what goes on coz even trying to access the KCPE results gives the same report. There is no excuse for lousy services. The exams results are a perishable service..its shelf life is 2-5 days athawiz it is stale. So the producers of this service should ensure that they provide the best service in thoise five which i believe is possible. The excuse that so many people are trying to access the site is lame. However, there might be varied reason which can explain the current situation. First maybe that those hosting the site are using the slow ass internet we are used to. Maybe the computer hosting the site is dead or anatha tortoise.The site could be running on a MS-Access Database on a P2 machine with 128MB of RAM which is a server by government standards. Or maybe those hosting the site are the same ones offering SMS services so they wouldn't want the site to be fast so as people can send as many SMSes as possible....
This is Kenya anything goes.

Ni sawa Tu

Today i was in a matatu along Thika Road and there was this two guys discussing a host of issues. They were informed guys. from FPE funds ..how the Keroka villagers were demonstrating that their 'son' Ongeri should not step down...which leaves people where are their sons..do they attend school . Do they know where the Ongeri's grandsons are schooling? So they went on to the Thika road construction. They noted how the Chinese companies were doing a great job putting up Mega structures. the banter went on about how some shitty local companies had formed a consortium and were petitioning why the Kenyan govt was giving the Chinese all those multi-billion contracts....Though am a patriot i don't give adamn whether you are a Kenya giving me a shitty service i would opt for a Haitian offering superb quality.
Going back into history you will find the same companies crying out loud today have backlog of cases claiming money for contracts they never did or did shoddily. Though i feel we need to check the Sino-Kenya relationship i think the Kenyan firms have put the pepper in their eyes.
Imagine a situation one local firm won the Thika road tender... they would hurriedly put some funny structure and rush to State House to claim payments...Uncle Impunity would look at them and ask how the damn mavi ya kuku project is going?
Uncle Impunity: so mmeliza kazi...nilidhani ilikuwa inaisha 1912
PA (whoever handles that shit): The project no 214GHG6655 in ... was supposed to end in 2012
UI: (Interrupting PA)..haina haja ya maneno mingi walipe

Engineer A: pay them?! the contract has not meet our standards
UI: Standard kitu gani haina haja kutest barabara bora gari zinapita..lipa wao
CC:(Grinning from ass to ass) Asante mzee ....ile nyumba ya Forest Rd ulisema tutaanza lini?
UI: Mavi ya kuku i have hired Engineers from S. Korea to build that house.

.......So you see the local companies fucked themselves up themselves. The only thing that aches me is that it aint Chinese doing any work on Thika Rd it is Kenyans. The Chinese are only carrying away the profits back home ....the taxes ..we are building the Chinese economy while we are being told they are helping us.
so changamoto ni kwa Kenyan companies. When will we learn to manage our most important national resource : the people. The labour force of Kenya. When will Kenyan companies start paying well their employees so that they can deliver quality jobs as they deliver when the manage is a Chinese or a white man like Michael Joseph or Atul Shah in Bidco
To be continued

The Kenyan Revolution: Drivers and Dynamics

There is near consensus among most Kenyans that there is need for radical change in the Kenyan social, political and economic system. For this to happen, people have unanimously agreed that the only salvation will come from a revolution of the people. People are waiting for a poor people driven revolution. But can the poor institute a revolution in Kenya or is it a mirage. Well in Africa, the poor have instituted revolutions in the fight against the colonialists, though these fights were hijacked and taken over by then middle class and aristocrats of the times. Even the French Revolution was never instituted and won by the poor…holoi polloi.

The reasons why I feel the Kenyan poor cannot institute a revolution are varied. First the system has drummed into them how powerless and helpless they are. The system has ensured that even in instances where the poor are being oppressed it seems and they believe they are being helped. Two cases in point: First, in the matatu industry, guys who frequent upcountry routes must have noticed the PSVs plying those routes are the worst at overloading. Ukikataa kuweka joint you are made to look bad and the guys in the name of kama ni wewe ungetaka tukuache hapa, the poor oblige but the fare haisongi. Ng’o! Another instance is in the workplace, the workers are made to believe how they are being helped. Nakupa msahara ya mia tano. Yet you earn the company 1,000% of your pesa nane salary.

Another reason is that the system has put in place various institutions to ensure the poor cannot institute a revolution: The preacher-man pon de pulpit is everywea everyde to make sure when you are slapped pon one cheek yu fi turn de atha. No resistance. Do not fight for your pie- it is in heaven. The policeman is da to ensure if you fight the big man yu fi bite the bullet (they make no rubber shit these days) and if you are lucky u can do some free hard labour in Big Brother. The teacher man is also dea 25-7 to make sure u catch the Big Man Syndrome. The system agents are all ova the place. It is truly a shitstem. Can the poor man fight and demolish it ….nadda.

Lastly but aint the least is that there will neva be consensus on the revolution modus operandi. While you are fighting for a better salary so as you can pay rent thea is someone who wants your current salary to be able to feed and clothe himself. While u are crying uaself hoarse for your job, someone would surely laugh all the way to heaven with his place in that payroll.

So buoy what is it in it? Who will drive the Kenyan revolution? Will it happen? Can it succeed? What kind of a revolution do we need? I don’t have the answer to all those questions right now. But I believe a revolution can only be instituted, driven and overseen by the middle class. Is there a middle class in Kenya? Who are they? The teachers? The COTU brigade? Matatu drivers? Matatatu owners? You? Me? What will make the middle class yearn for a revolution? Aren’t they too comfortable? Aren’t they part of the system? Methinks they are the victims. And two scenarios played out on 31^st January 2010, which to me are a pointer how the middle class can actively participate in a revolution. One, the demonstration against the killing of KQ pilot Martin Gitehi Njuma. Martin Njuma was mugged and killed at Makaburini area near Bunyala roundabout. His untimely death angered many of his friends and relatives who on Sunday 31^st February 2010 organised a demonstration calling for the Government to act on insecurity along Uhuru Highway and in other roads. The demo has led to act firmly. This is unlike when the people from Mathare and Kibera complain of mugging. Fiends and relatives has vowed to put up a police station at the spot.Two, the Atwoli theatrics. Atwoli has been going around the country with his Agenda Four and he has been sounding a very angry man. He made his Declaration on the same day 31^st January 2010 at Kamukunji proposing some radical shiet.

For the middle class to act it seems it has to get very angry, and then get even more angry. Looks like Kenya middle class is angry and impatient. But is it angry enough. What makes the middle class angry to initiate a revolution cannot be predicted. Maybe the poor can participate in making the middle class in getting angry. Wah…. through the activities of Mungikis, muggers, et al. Heheh I don’t know but the middle class needs to be frustrated by the aristocrats like in the France scenario. Are they fed up with the system…

One of the major reason why the middle class doesn't institute a revolution in Kenya and in other African states like Zimbabwe is selfishness or self preservation depending on which side of the coin u be watching. When the public education system goes awry they transfer their kids to private school. When the public health system goes on its knees thy have alternative private clinics. When insecurity hits your neighborhood you move to safer neighborhood as you can afford. The question is when the middle class reaches boiling point ...Martin's case is a pointer of things to come.

But maybe that won't come in the near future ..maybe members of the aristocracy will bring that revolution if the PSC deal is anything to go by

.....................................

No peace till equal rights n justice

Vacancy: Post Election Violence Engineers

Aggressive youthful persons are wanted to fill the above named positions in a dynamic political outfit, Gonga which has branches all over the country and soon going global. We are hiring in readiness of the coming referendum and the 2012 General Election.
Job Profile
To conduct those tasks as assigned by the management.

Qualifications
Experience to use machetes, arrows and bows, guns and such crude weapons
Ability to determine tribal identity of individuals
Ability to follow orders without second thoughts
Convicted rapists are encouraged to apply
Under 28 years of age except for those with military experience
Experience in burning churches and buildings full of women and children will be an added advantage.
Remuneration
Successful candidates will be compensated competitively and commissions are allowed in frm of properties looted.
Gonga is an equal opportunity employer and particularly welcomes applications from all genders. Any persuasion will disqualify the candidature. Only short listed candidates shall be invited for the interview

Avatar: what capitalism got to do with it?

Hi guys this is aint my first post on the blogosphere.....i might have been among the first Kenyans to blog ..way back in 2005. i had a blog named uchungu wa ghetto but i forgot to update it or it was eaten by the rats. All in all i have decided to start blogging once again and i will begin by an article on AVatar the movie causing a storm all over.
I ain't a movie reviewer of great repute so that may explain why am gonna link Avatar and capitalism.
When I first heard the hype about Avatar it was all about the 3D nonsense. Well Avatar was released in various versions including 2D and 3D. To me the difference between 3D and 2D is the same. Maybe u can blame the screen I use for watching my sheet. However after watching it critically i found Cameron had prophesied the downfall of Wall Street way back in 1994. For those not used to history of movies, Avatar was conceived in 94 but the technology to produce it was not ripe. So it had to wait 15 years. While Avatar begins to me on a low note note (this is true of guys used to watch kung fu and those action packed Van Damme movies). It slowly builds the tempo to be what it is and worth the billions it is grossing.
As it builds so did my anger build up for the first watching thinking it will be a typical US show of might movie. In the typical scenario of show in those Van Damme and Senator Schwarzenegger movies where they take down whole Vietnam armies....Soo funny while in the ground the US were given a kichapo cha mbwa by those vietcongs. The US suffered first Humiliation in the Vietnam War of 1969 yet all movies produced show how US humiliated the Viets. Typical US egoism. The capitalistic maafakas invading Pandora seem to be winning making you (if you are anti-capitalism) very angry. In their search for unobtanium they will stop at nothing and the CEO puts it just like it is. The unobtanium is symbolic me thinks. It is a plain way of tell us the capitalistic maafakas, that we will rape the world and get rich but once mama nature gets angry the dollarz in the bank wont save us.
It is sad to see the Na'vi guys with arrows being felled down by state of the art chopper gun power. They have to rely on their god aiwa. In the end the gods and the Navi's prevail but not without the help of the same capitalistic forces as they are the one behind Jake who saves Pandora. All in all it is a good movie worth the capitalistic dollars it is grossing...which in the ends beats the logic whether it was meant to be a whipping to capitalism.